Medication Day 1

I know that I can not expect any notable results today, but just the idea that I probably know what is wrong and that I am now taking medication for it lifts my mood. Last evening my doctor’s office contacted me to let me know that I do indeed have Hypothyroid.

After months of watching my weight go up, of feeling like I was losing my damn mind, of wanting to do nothing but sleep, of having headache after headache; I finally have a diagnosis. So this morning I started my medication…a tiny little pill that I will have to take every day for the rest of my life…and you know what, I don’t give a shit that I have to take it everyday. I will gladly step up. I will gladly take that pill each morning and be thankful that someone discovered a treatment for this dysfunction of the body.

I know it may sound a little bit odd to be thankful for a medical disorder, but if you had lived through the last 7 months that I had lived through you would understand. Hell, forget 7 months…let’s go back a couple of years. For three…no more like four years, the workouts have been getting longer and longer, the calorie intake has been getting less and less and the weight has still been getting higher and higher. Then it hit really hard 7 months ago. I felt like I was losing my mind, I could eat nothing and wake up the next day half a pound heavier. I started developing edema. I had headaches all of the time. I basically supported the acetaminophen manufacturers. My body felt unbearably heavy. Basically I was in some form of pain every fucking day…

My first diagnosis in February was, however, anxiety disorder. I was placed on Zoloft and sent on my way. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the side effects of Zoloft…yes, it can promote weight gain…so I was basically adding fuel to an already raging fire. Then a month and a half ago I was switched to a severe PMS diagnosis and put on Wellbutrin. This lasted about, oh say 14 days…although that medication didn’t make it that long…I could just tell that this was not what was wrong and I stopped taking the medication.

I went into the doctor’s office last week and stood my ground. I showed the doctor my legs and said, “this is not caused by anxiety, depression or pms…something is wrong physically and we need to find it.” She listened and ran the blood work.

In defense of doctors, they are not miracle workers, they try their best and basically it is all in the interpretation of evidence. I don’t blame my doctor completely for this roller coaster I have been riding. I had a feeling what was wrong…it runs in my family…I should have stood up in March and demanded the friggin blood work and I didn’t.

The moral is here…don’t be afraid to listen to your body…if you truly believe something is wrong that is being missed…stand up and demand that it be checked.

Oh well, I will keep you posted…hopefully this will be an ongoing improvement process… I know it will.

Colbert – George – Matt and a whole lot of rambling…

So the Colbert Report this morning really got me. I have been watching him more and more lately. Of course, I don’t seem to have time to watch the show very often, but I have been watching his clips on the internet whenever I manage to click onto my Google Reader. I picked up the feed and have found that it is definitely a way to get my mind off of the overwhelming load of stuff I have to do each day.

I tell you, I have really gotten into Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. They just have a great way of sarcastically looking at what is going on in the world. I know there are people who think they are eroding the sanctity of the news, but let me tell you, with the way the news shows have been eroding themselves, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are the least of their problems.

Have you ever noticed – the more ridiculous somebody makes themselves look, the more they scream about other people? They know they are looking like friggin fools. They know that everybody is standing around wondering what the hell they are talking about. So what do they do? They look around for whoever happens to be highlighting their idiocy and they start jumping up and down screaming about how they really aren’t doing anything wrong, it is actually the people who are exposing their problems that are at fault.

Oh well, I guess it is the nature of some humans to do this. I try to combat this in my class every day. A student will get in trouble and immediately it is somebody else’s fault. Don’t you just love it when someone says, “well they made me mad!”

I so exasperate my students because most times I will get both parties together and I will only let each student tell me what they themselves did. If they start rambling off into what the other one did I stop them and tell them that I only want them to tell me what they did. What’s interesting here is that the kids really don’t know how to take responsibility and when I make them step back and look at their role in an event they have too, they have no choice. They have to take ownership of their actions.

Oh well, don’t you just love it when somebody rambles like I have done here today…check out the clip above, it will make you laugh…

Stand Still

Work is not getting done as quickly and as efficiently as I would like…   Leaving me feeling a bit stressed about the ever rising pile of things that I must get done.  I need to step back and figure out a way to get organized.  I have got to put in the time on my required things while I am at work and leave my work at work whenever possible.

Tomorrow I am working until 5…before the monkey is done with afterschool…that will give me an hour or so to get some papers graded.  I am hoping to get this all gelling…

Time just moves too damn quickly…just ask a parent who blinks and wonders how their kid got this big this fast!

The Question Mark

This is priceless. I have really found that I love Jon Stewart. I mean, think about it, even if you disagree with him, he does make people think.

I have known for a long time that the news services were using the question mark as a way to try and mask a particular bias…hmmm, enough said.

Taking Forever

There are some things that we set out to do that may just seem nuts to some. My latest undertaking has got to be one of those things. I am in the process of migrating a blog from one place to another…257 posts moving…one by one from one location to another…why? you may ask. In order to protect anonymity. It has come to my attention that someone has discovered who I am and has begun to utilize information from the blog to harass me. This was never the purpose of this blog.

I wanted a place to write and to express my thoughts…not a place to be trapped into a moderated world where I had to be careful with my words. So in order to restore my privacy…I am moving this whole site…one post at a time…it will take some time and eventually I will get there…I hope. Until that time, I am placing the old blog on a standstill…hidden from the world and I am posting to this blog.

Sadly it will mean starting from scratch…my readers will no longer find me… The names have changed… I had no choice…

Haggard Confesses

Ousted Evangelist Confesses to Followers

Has anybody stopped to think? Why is it the Republicans who cry out so much against gay rights that keep having the homosexual scandals?

My take on it – some of them speak so violently against homosexuality because they are self-loathing of characteristics they possess themselves.

I feel sorry for anyone who would feel the need to live such an obviously conflict ridden life. Now, don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean I am going to go out and vote for any of the current Republicans just because I feel sorry for the ones trapped by their own predjudices. I still have too many diametrically opposing views with that particular party at this time.

Oh well, life goes on…

Technorati Tags: Haggard, Politics

Saturday Morning

Sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop seems to have become a Saturday morning ritual. Coffee, computer and an endless supply of political bullshit to read…what a way to start a weekend. Oh well, I enjoy myself

Kind of got myself into a pickle yesterday at work. Dubya was in Joplin for a political rally for Missouri senator “no-Talent” as my Dad calls him. One of the teachers in another room had turned on the television to the coverage – thankfully I have no television in my room, so I couldn’t be expected to do the same. Anyway, as the students began filing out of her room and into mine, one of them said, “did you see that Bush is in Joplin?” To which I replied, “that’s one reason I am glad am in City-X.” Talk about opening mouth and inserting foot. I always pride myself in the fact that I try to be completely neutral in the social studies class. I strive to present both sides of issues and even go so far as to remind student that we don’t put each other down for our opinions

So what do I do…I make an off the cuff remark. Oh well, nobody can be perfect…we can only try to be a good person and realize that sometimes we are going to screw up.

Anyway…time to return to reading the news…

Lunch…

It was fun…sitting around in an undisclosed location and watching as my daughter played with her uncle and grandfather. Watching these two grown men acting like fools. She giggled and laughed. I loved it…yet at the same time I was embarrassed as my Dad swatted at the air acting as though he was under her control. Worried about what the people around me were thinking.

That is one of my worst problems, I care too damn much what others think. Peoples whose opinion will have no direct effect on my life and I still give a shit whether or not they think we are weird. There was a time when I tried to shock. There was a time when I sought out ways to get people talking. In some ways I miss it. But I also think that there has to be a happy medium. A middle ground…a place where we can make life more interesting without totally crossing over into the inappropriately bizarre.

Oh well, we shall have to see where the next few months take me.

Editorial Endorsements

I think that Randy has got this one right. Editorial endorsements really don’t have any effect on the votes of the people who have already made up their mind. For those who are unsure, a carefully crafted thoughtful endorsement can sway a vote.

I personally have already decided not to vote for Talent. He lost any possibility of having my vote years ago when he sent a two page reply to one of my letters. The reply contained a number of statements that have since been proven to be false. While I remember that he was simply repeating the information that he had been presented as truth…it bothered me considerably.

Springfield News-Leader has endorsed him stating that his views are most in line with southwest Missouri voters. To be truthful, they are probably right…most people in this area seem to possess views similar to his…I just happen not to be one of them.

Switching Things Up

Went to see the Nurse Practitioner yesterday…we were trying to figure out why I was busting my backside at the gym and still putting on weight, like a squirrel stocking up for the winter. My doctor is switching a prescription around and we hopefully will see some improvement.

I am the first one to admit that I have had PMS since I was a teenager and that it has sometimes made me a bit loopy. Hormones are such a wonderful creation, aren’t they? Some months have been better than others, but overall I have been able to track exactly where I am in my hormonal cycle based completely on my mood and physical feelings. The plus side is that if I wanted to have another child I could probably nail it down to the exact day.

In February of this year I started taking a prescription that was supposed to help me with my PMS. It helped a bit, I didn’t feel so wiggy, but I also became a whole lot less social. I was great at work with the kids, but I really didn’t want to go do anything other than work and play with my daughter. I have missed so much church this year and I really do miss that part of my life. Every once in a while I would go out and get involved in some things, but overall this year has not been a major social event.

So feeling very isolated and not understanding why I was putting on weight like Tim Allen in The Santa Clause, I made an appointment to do a follow-up regarding the medication I was on. I told her that no one should put on thi much weight in less than a year and she totally agreed with me.

Unfortunately one of the known side effects of the meds is weight gain. Supposedly the medication causes individuals to crave and hold onto carbs. This might explain why lately I have really, really had a hankering for the rolls served at lunch. I have always loved bread and knowing that about myself I had limited their quantities in my house. We have brown rice instead of white. We eat whole wheat pasta instead of enriched white flour pastas. We never keep loaves of bread in the house.

Oh well, the meds have been switched and hopefully we will be able to get the PMS under control and knock off this damn weight. Lord knows I am tired of feeling tired.