Sharing the Lights…

From Christmas Lights

Thought I would share these with you. What can I say, I couldn’t resist going outside and taking a few shots of the house after the first snow. I have always loved the way that Christmas lights glow off of the snow.

Medication Day 1

I know that I can not expect any notable results today, but just the idea that I probably know what is wrong and that I am now taking medication for it lifts my mood. Last evening my doctor’s office contacted me to let me know that I do indeed have Hypothyroid.

After months of watching my weight go up, of feeling like I was losing my damn mind, of wanting to do nothing but sleep, of having headache after headache; I finally have a diagnosis. So this morning I started my medication…a tiny little pill that I will have to take every day for the rest of my life…and you know what, I don’t give a shit that I have to take it everyday. I will gladly step up. I will gladly take that pill each morning and be thankful that someone discovered a treatment for this dysfunction of the body.

I know it may sound a little bit odd to be thankful for a medical disorder, but if you had lived through the last 7 months that I had lived through you would understand. Hell, forget 7 months…let’s go back a couple of years. For three…no more like four years, the workouts have been getting longer and longer, the calorie intake has been getting less and less and the weight has still been getting higher and higher. Then it hit really hard 7 months ago. I felt like I was losing my mind, I could eat nothing and wake up the next day half a pound heavier. I started developing edema. I had headaches all of the time. I basically supported the acetaminophen manufacturers. My body felt unbearably heavy. Basically I was in some form of pain every fucking day…

My first diagnosis in February was, however, anxiety disorder. I was placed on Zoloft and sent on my way. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the side effects of Zoloft…yes, it can promote weight gain…so I was basically adding fuel to an already raging fire. Then a month and a half ago I was switched to a severe PMS diagnosis and put on Wellbutrin. This lasted about, oh say 14 days…although that medication didn’t make it that long…I could just tell that this was not what was wrong and I stopped taking the medication.

I went into the doctor’s office last week and stood my ground. I showed the doctor my legs and said, “this is not caused by anxiety, depression or pms…something is wrong physically and we need to find it.” She listened and ran the blood work.

In defense of doctors, they are not miracle workers, they try their best and basically it is all in the interpretation of evidence. I don’t blame my doctor completely for this roller coaster I have been riding. I had a feeling what was wrong…it runs in my family…I should have stood up in March and demanded the friggin blood work and I didn’t.

The moral is here…don’t be afraid to listen to your body…if you truly believe something is wrong that is being missed…stand up and demand that it be checked.

Oh well, I will keep you posted…hopefully this will be an ongoing improvement process… I know it will.

Saturday Morning

Sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop seems to have become a Saturday morning ritual. Coffee, computer and an endless supply of political bullshit to read…what a way to start a weekend. Oh well, I enjoy myself

Kind of got myself into a pickle yesterday at work. Dubya was in Joplin for a political rally for Missouri senator “no-Talent” as my Dad calls him. One of the teachers in another room had turned on the television to the coverage – thankfully I have no television in my room, so I couldn’t be expected to do the same. Anyway, as the students began filing out of her room and into mine, one of them said, “did you see that Bush is in Joplin?” To which I replied, “that’s one reason I am glad am in City-X.” Talk about opening mouth and inserting foot. I always pride myself in the fact that I try to be completely neutral in the social studies class. I strive to present both sides of issues and even go so far as to remind student that we don’t put each other down for our opinions

So what do I do…I make an off the cuff remark. Oh well, nobody can be perfect…we can only try to be a good person and realize that sometimes we are going to screw up.

Anyway…time to return to reading the news…

Lunch…

It was fun…sitting around in an undisclosed location and watching as my daughter played with her uncle and grandfather. Watching these two grown men acting like fools. She giggled and laughed. I loved it…yet at the same time I was embarrassed as my Dad swatted at the air acting as though he was under her control. Worried about what the people around me were thinking.

That is one of my worst problems, I care too damn much what others think. Peoples whose opinion will have no direct effect on my life and I still give a shit whether or not they think we are weird. There was a time when I tried to shock. There was a time when I sought out ways to get people talking. In some ways I miss it. But I also think that there has to be a happy medium. A middle ground…a place where we can make life more interesting without totally crossing over into the inappropriately bizarre.

Oh well, we shall have to see where the next few months take me.

Switching Things Up

Went to see the Nurse Practitioner yesterday…we were trying to figure out why I was busting my backside at the gym and still putting on weight, like a squirrel stocking up for the winter. My doctor is switching a prescription around and we hopefully will see some improvement.

I am the first one to admit that I have had PMS since I was a teenager and that it has sometimes made me a bit loopy. Hormones are such a wonderful creation, aren’t they? Some months have been better than others, but overall I have been able to track exactly where I am in my hormonal cycle based completely on my mood and physical feelings. The plus side is that if I wanted to have another child I could probably nail it down to the exact day.

In February of this year I started taking a prescription that was supposed to help me with my PMS. It helped a bit, I didn’t feel so wiggy, but I also became a whole lot less social. I was great at work with the kids, but I really didn’t want to go do anything other than work and play with my daughter. I have missed so much church this year and I really do miss that part of my life. Every once in a while I would go out and get involved in some things, but overall this year has not been a major social event.

So feeling very isolated and not understanding why I was putting on weight like Tim Allen in The Santa Clause, I made an appointment to do a follow-up regarding the medication I was on. I told her that no one should put on thi much weight in less than a year and she totally agreed with me.

Unfortunately one of the known side effects of the meds is weight gain. Supposedly the medication causes individuals to crave and hold onto carbs. This might explain why lately I have really, really had a hankering for the rolls served at lunch. I have always loved bread and knowing that about myself I had limited their quantities in my house. We have brown rice instead of white. We eat whole wheat pasta instead of enriched white flour pastas. We never keep loaves of bread in the house.

Oh well, the meds have been switched and hopefully we will be able to get the PMS under control and knock off this damn weight. Lord knows I am tired of feeling tired.